What is a cuddle party? It is, say its founders, "a structured format where people safely learn and enjoy communicating their interests and limits, and exploring consensual nonsexual touch and affection". The parties are popular because being touched releases oxytocin, known as the love hormone. To someone who has never done group cuddling before, going to one of these events is nerve-wracking. At least at an orgy you know what to expect.
Cuddle parties were born in 2004, when Reid Mihalko and Marcia Baczynski - part of the grassroots adult sex-education movement in the US - began hosting them in their Manhattan apartment. Thirteen years later, there are cuddle parties in every major city. "They are part of the 'affection revolution,'" say organisers, caused by a touch-neglected society. Mihalko is now a speaker on sex education topics, including "Negotiating Successful Threesomes". While Baczynski trains "professional cuddlers" paid by corporations to provide "cuddling seminars" at the office.
The party's aim is similar to the use of touch in studies by sex researchers Masters and Johnson, who created "sensate focus", which became a foundation of sex therapy. The idea was to become mindfully present to sensations, refraining from forcing pleasure and arousal. Couples were directed to focus on touch, rather than feel pressured to perform, a technique still used to reduce performance problems.
The first question of a cuddle party is what do you wear? Should a man wear a suit to keep it "business-like"? Should a woman wear two pairs of Spanx to repel strange boners poking her during the group cuddle? When I arrived at the party, held in a yoga studio, everyone was in pyjamas. "Could I hug you?" asked a girl at the door. The only other time a stranger asked me that upon arrival was at a swingers' sex party I went to once. OK, twice.
Everyone sat on the floor as our facilitator and a "cuddle lifeguard" laid down the rules: First: "If you see someone you met at a cuddle party in a public place, don't yell 'Hi! I met you at a cuddle party!'" Second: "If you want to cuddle someone, ask first." Third: "You are allowed to say no if you don't want to cuddle." Any questions? "What if I get an erection?" someone asked. "Just wait until it goes down."
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